Thursday, March 08, 2007

Up with mini-skirts

Something about a svelte, nice-legged woman wearing high heels, knee-high stockings and a short plaid skirt that just makes a man feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

That is, until he realizes that the bones in his right hand are being crushed by his wife or that he has been locked in an ocular death grip – you know the one…that’s the look in your wife’s eyes when she catches you leering; the one that sort of makes you feel like that guy Darth Vader mind strangled in “Return of the Jedi.”

My dad always used to say on the subject “Just because you’ve ordered don’t mean you can’t look at the menu.” While some will argue that only an insecure or overly jealous woman would make a big deal out of a glance at a pretty girl walking by in a short skirt, others would argue that it is a matter of respect. If you are like me then you realize clearly that you are too old and fat to be even slightly interesting to that girl walking down the street showing off her gams anyway. So is there harm in looking? If it makes my wife or girlfriend feel uncomfortable or even just plain angry when I look at other women, shouldn’t I do my best to respect her wish? Well….shouldn’t I?

To be honest, I really envy those guys out there who seem to have the stoicism to not look (same gender preference notwithstanding). How DO they do it? I’m not talking about the guys who try to pretend they are not looking. Even when they are busted they try to make like it wasn’t the girls legs; it was her ensemble, “Ugh, how tacky!” Trying desperately to pretend they are not interested or that they think that short skirts are somehow a blight on the earth. I’m talking about the guys that just seem to be able to either see only the one they are with or even when in a room surrounded with mini-skirt wearing hotties would seem to be looking at absolutely nothing.

So, being the card-carrying fence rider that I am, I am somewhere directly between mini-skirts are a sign of the decadent influence of western society that should be banned and a great big Austin Powersesque “YEAH BABY!!!” This conflicted mindset comes from the fact that I am married and though I wish I could respect the feelings and desires of my wife by not ever looking at another woman, I feel a certain angst every time an attractive woman walks by in a short something. I know I probably shouldn’t but I also know there is a high possibility that I will; however unintentionally J. This begs the question about men in general: Do we CHOOSE to look or not? Is it an animal instinct that uncontrollably draws our eyes to the irresistible flesh?

And another thing: I don’t want to sound too rhetorical here because I am really confused about this matter, so for the women readers out there who wish to comment please answer the following: Do you do it on purpose? Are you trying to test my will? Which is it: you WANT to be looked at or you don’t? And finally, do Korean women somehow think differently about this than western women?

Somehow, I have a suspicion that not all women really WANT to be looked at ‘like that.’ But a woman who is walking down the street with a butt cheek hugging shorts or skirt and high heels MUST want to be looked at by someone. At the very least, she must be aware that she WILL be looked at and with that awareness at the time she is getting dressed does not do what is necessary to avoid being looked at “like that.” So, we must assume that she is complicit and should at least expect to be looked at. Whether or not she wants to just doesn’t matter. But somehow it seems they expect that they can CHOOSE who should look at them. They may be hoping some “Rain” or Dong-Gun Jang look-alike will pay attention but if some balding 40-something, a zit-faced drooling teen or even an old geezer coughing up his lungs in the subway entrance stops expectorating long enough to take a good hard look then that’s the breaks sweetcheeks. If you are gonna wear it, you better bear it.

For any red-blooded, heterosexual male on the planet, this spring in Korea is shaping up to be the largest eye candy store in history. The weather hasn’t even really warmed up yet and already the numbers are increasing exponentially with each passing day. The newspapers are reporting that we will be assaulted with not only the usual short skirts but also the ‘minidress’. For those of you who still remain single and/or unattached, happy vistas to you. For those of you on the other side of the fence, well…good luck anyway. Here's a parting thought: